WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
