I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
