Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
