I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
