I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
