my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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