Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
