i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
