you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize