we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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