Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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