my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
