i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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