Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
