Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
