Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
