I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize