I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
