Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
