and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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