New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
