Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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