"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
