Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
