If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
