Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dear god my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
