Umm I'm too high to move.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
