you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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