Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
