i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
