Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
