My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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