This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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