..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
