shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
