yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
