everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
