3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
