I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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