I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
