Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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