do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
