"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
