Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize