My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
