so explain again why im purple
no
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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