I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
