I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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