Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
