just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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