Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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