did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
