do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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