so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize