If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
