some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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