And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
