And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
