final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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