i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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