i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
