Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
