just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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