Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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