Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
