i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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