i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
whose parrot is this?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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