i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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