She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
