there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
