I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Quick, to the slutcave!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
