i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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