and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
