can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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