I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
