Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
