It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize