she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
