I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
