i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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