hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
