So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
