your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
