I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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