I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
