I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize