Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
