dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize