Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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