Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Girls should come with a carfax report
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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