You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize