i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
