also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
