dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize