I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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