When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
