Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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