Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
