If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
