I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
