I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will pee on everything he values.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
