I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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