She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize