He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
