Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
