Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
