i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
