We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
