I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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