if you like me you must not know who I am
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
