if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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